Two Months

**written on 9/23/12**

It has been two months since Micah was born. In some ways it seems like yesterday that I was pregnant and wondering when it would all happen and how it would happen. I would have never predicted that it would all turn out the way it did.  I don't think that any doctor would have guessed that it would end like that either. Looking back, I am thankful for so much about his delivery.  It happened at nighttime enabling my parents to quickly come over. The boys never knew I was gone until after it was all over.  Just the right doctor was working that night.  It didn't go as I had hoped. I would've loved more time with our sweet baby boy. I really hoped we would have lots of pictures to cherish for years to come but that didn't happen either.  We didn't get handprints at the hospital either! (We're thankful that our friend Daniel was able to get his handprints at the funeral home!)  So much of it didn't turn out the way that I had planned. We were told over and over that we needed to create a birth plan. We never got a chance to have that completed and turned in but we knew all along that God had his birth plan all figured out from the day he was conceived.  I am learning a lot about giving up control. My life has truly felt out of control for the last few months. There wasn't one thing that I was in control of.  By the end of the pregnancy, I had learned to just "be". I knew all that I could know about Micah's situation.  We had run the possible tests.  I had talked to person after person and doctor after doctor trying to figure out what to expect.  Then when there was nothing more I could do I was forced to just take it day by day.  I worked hard at learning to "dance in the rain".  I focused on all that I had to be thankful for.  I can easily say that within one of the worst times of our lives we had some of our best days!

Micah's Day!

In hopes of not forgetting a thing, I'm going to jump right in to the middle of Micah's story.  Sunday, July 22nd, was a very normal day. Our "new normal".  I was 27 weeks and 1 day pregnant with our sweet baby boy!  We spent a lazy day at home to rest and get some stuff done for our busy week ahead. I felt great that day, better than usual. Bedtime came and, actually, was easier than normal.   Dylan and I both plopped down in front of the T.V.  I was excited about watching the season finale of "The Bachelorette" and even more excited when he offered to run out and get us some ice cream. A little bit after Dylan returns I'm eating my ice cream and the phone rings!  I get up to answer it and as my Dad talks I notice a really strange feeling, almost like my water broke. A million thoughts were running through my head as my Dad continues to talk.  I hang up the phone and run to the bathroom. I'm covered in blood. I know enough about pregnancy and labor to know that this is not a good sign.  Dylan and I both kinda stare at each other, then we started to panic. I knew by the amount of blood that I needed to get to the hospital!  I call my parents so they can come sit with the boys and then the doctor.  The first thing he wanted to know was if I had placenta previa. I told him that it was mentioned early on in the pregnancy but that I never heard anymore.  He told us to come to the hospital immediately.  We arrived sometime just before 10 p.m. at the E.R., and I was wheeled to Labor & Delivery.  They hooked me up to the monitors and we waited for the doctor. When my doctor arrived, it appeared that the bleeding had slowed down and that I was not dilated, or contracting, so we decided to wait it out, possibly until morning. While we were still trying to process what could be happening, we flipped the T.V. back on and prepared to wait things out. Within minutes, the bleeding picked up again.  Every time I touched or rubbed my belly, as Micah kicked, the blood would gush out. They called the doctor back immediately. The doctor began by pushing on my belly causing even more blood to come out. He said something about the placenta separating and possible placenta previa. He called for the ultrasound machine. After the ultrasound, it was discovered that Micah was in breech position but because of the limited amount of amniotic fluid nothing else could be determined.  He gave us several options to consider with the only safe one being to do an immediate c-section.  Within minutes they were adding a second IV that could give me blood if that became necessary and taking all kinds of blood to check my current levels and blood type. I was slightly panicking but wanted to do whatever would be the safest and best choice for ALL of my boys!  By the time I got to the O.R. I was shaking and nervous.  I was worried about the c-section in general.  Would I feel it?  Would it stop the bleeding?  Would Micah survive so we could spend time with him?  Why was all of this happening?  Shortly after the spinal I felt warm and calm. I kept repeating to myself, "Do not be anxious about anything", and praying that God would be with us and give us the strength and the peace that we would need. I remember asking the nurses how I would know when he was out and kept waiting for the pressure on my chest that would signify his arrival. I never felt it or heard him cry but at some point the nurse arrived at our side holding our sweet boy, letting us know that he did have a faint heartbeat.  We spent time taking in everything about him. I rested my hand on his little body since I couldn't hold him, and felt his arms move around. It felt just like it had in my tummy. He was so precious.  Our sweet boy was fearfully and wonderfully made. He came just as God wanted him to and at just the right time. Our baby boy, Micah Jeremiah, was born on July 23rd, at 12:26 AM, weighing 1 pound 13 ounces and measuring 11 1/2 inches long.

Wild at Heart!

My boys are "wild at heart".  They are full of passion!  They put 100% into pursuing the things that they love.  They are adventurous!  They love risks!  They have very little fear.  When Ethan and Elijah were babies Dylan and I talked about the day that they would be ready for bigger adventures.  They would need Daddy to take them camping.  They would need to explore.  And one day the day would come when they were ready to leave Mommy.  The mere thought of that would always bring tears to my eyes!  Well, a few Saturdays ago ended up being "that day" for Ethan and Elijah!  We originally tossed around the idea of a family campout in the backyard which eventually turned into a camping trip at Twin Lakes with just Daddy, Ethan and Elijah!  I knew this day would come.  I want my boys to be happy and have more fun than they can imagine.  I want to allow them to fulfill the needs they have as little boys.  At the same time, I just can't believe how quickly my little boys are growing up!  They were so excited to go swimming and camp with Daddy and thats all that matters. So instead of thinking about missing them or how quickly they had grown up or if they would be okay I busied myself packing up their Mario backpacks with the things they would need and then they loaded up and headed out!  In a way, I was sad that I was not out there with them.  On the other hand, I knew that they were in great hands and would be having a blast.  This summer is the beginning of my babies turning into big boys!  I have no idea what to expect.  I have no idea what other "firsts" they will be experiencing this summer.  In a huge way, I am freaked out!  I am a planner!  I like to know what's going to happen next. I am learning, slowly, to take things one day at a time.  The big picture is overwhelming.  So for now I'm enjoying each day as it comes.  I love my boys!

Love my boys...

I can hardly believe that its already July!  Where has the time gone?  Nate is now 4 months and changing every day!  He sleeps through the night (8:30 to 8:30) and has started rolling over.  We started him on rice cereal this week and he loves it!  He gets really excited when he sees the spoon coming and grabs a hold of it and pulls it right to his mouth!  We found out at his 4 month "well" check up today that he has Hand, Foot, and Mouth!  Poor guy!  That explains this high temperature and crying last night!  He is 18lbs and 26 inches long!!  My baby is such a big boy!!!  It's also time to start food and offering him water in a juice cup!  I am happy for him and all that he is learning but at the same time sad that he is no longer my itty bitty baby!  Ethan and Elijah also had their 5 year shots today.  They each got 2 in their right arm.  I made the mistake of telling them on Monday about this appointment thinking that if I told them in advance they would have time to process it!  Boy was I wrong!  They worried and stressed about it all week!  However, after it was over they told Grammie that it wasn't that bad after all.  Hopefully they will remember that for next year.  Afterwards we went to 7-11 and they each got to get their own drink and bag of chips for doing so well(Caleb too...simply for being a sweet little brother).  We finished our day off with lots of Super Mario and playing outside until bedtime.  Life with these boys is super busy and crazy at times, but there is no other place that I would rather be.  I am sometimes overwhelmed with how thankful I am to be their Mommy.  I love my boys!

So, why the name?

Ethan and Elijah fell in love with "The Cat in the Hat" books sometime around the age of two.  We had tons of Dr. Suess books that we read at nap time and bedtime and all the times in between.  We finally came across a Dr. Suess DVD that included 2 or 3 short cartoons based on his books!  The boys were in LOVE!  It was around this time that whenever I asked the boys to clean up their toys they would run around the house singing "sweep sweep sweeping up the merries".  We had no idea what they were saying much less where they had gotten it from.  Weeks later I sat down once again to watch the video with the boys and at the end of "The Cat in the Hat" I heard a very familiar tune!  As the Cat was cleaning up his mess he was singing "Sweep sweep sweeping up the memories" and it all made sense!  Even though the boys have long forgotten this cute little phrase Mommy and Daddy will never forget it.  With time going by so quickly we are sweeping up as many "merries" as we can! 

Welcome to My Blog!

I've decided that it's time.  Time to write about life as a family of six.  Time to record memories and thoughts.  Time to share successes and mistakes.  Time to try new things and do new things!  We are about to embark on a new chapter in our lives.  In three short months, Ethan and Elijah will head off to kindergarten.  I dreaded this day even when the boys were itty bitty.  I never wanted it to come.  I wanted to keep my boys little forever.  Yet, here I am with 2 very amazing little boys with an unquenchable desire for knowledge who are ready to step out into the world.  I am nervous!  I am sad!  But more than anything I'm happy for them!  This is an exciting time in their lives!  So, sit back and get cozy and follow us on this exciting journey with 4 amazing boys!