Two Months

**written on 9/23/12**

It has been two months since Micah was born. In some ways it seems like yesterday that I was pregnant and wondering when it would all happen and how it would happen. I would have never predicted that it would all turn out the way it did.  I don't think that any doctor would have guessed that it would end like that either. Looking back, I am thankful for so much about his delivery.  It happened at nighttime enabling my parents to quickly come over. The boys never knew I was gone until after it was all over.  Just the right doctor was working that night.  It didn't go as I had hoped. I would've loved more time with our sweet baby boy. I really hoped we would have lots of pictures to cherish for years to come but that didn't happen either.  We didn't get handprints at the hospital either! (We're thankful that our friend Daniel was able to get his handprints at the funeral home!)  So much of it didn't turn out the way that I had planned. We were told over and over that we needed to create a birth plan. We never got a chance to have that completed and turned in but we knew all along that God had his birth plan all figured out from the day he was conceived.  I am learning a lot about giving up control. My life has truly felt out of control for the last few months. There wasn't one thing that I was in control of.  By the end of the pregnancy, I had learned to just "be". I knew all that I could know about Micah's situation.  We had run the possible tests.  I had talked to person after person and doctor after doctor trying to figure out what to expect.  Then when there was nothing more I could do I was forced to just take it day by day.  I worked hard at learning to "dance in the rain".  I focused on all that I had to be thankful for.  I can easily say that within one of the worst times of our lives we had some of our best days!

Micah's Day!

In hopes of not forgetting a thing, I'm going to jump right in to the middle of Micah's story.  Sunday, July 22nd, was a very normal day. Our "new normal".  I was 27 weeks and 1 day pregnant with our sweet baby boy!  We spent a lazy day at home to rest and get some stuff done for our busy week ahead. I felt great that day, better than usual. Bedtime came and, actually, was easier than normal.   Dylan and I both plopped down in front of the T.V.  I was excited about watching the season finale of "The Bachelorette" and even more excited when he offered to run out and get us some ice cream. A little bit after Dylan returns I'm eating my ice cream and the phone rings!  I get up to answer it and as my Dad talks I notice a really strange feeling, almost like my water broke. A million thoughts were running through my head as my Dad continues to talk.  I hang up the phone and run to the bathroom. I'm covered in blood. I know enough about pregnancy and labor to know that this is not a good sign.  Dylan and I both kinda stare at each other, then we started to panic. I knew by the amount of blood that I needed to get to the hospital!  I call my parents so they can come sit with the boys and then the doctor.  The first thing he wanted to know was if I had placenta previa. I told him that it was mentioned early on in the pregnancy but that I never heard anymore.  He told us to come to the hospital immediately.  We arrived sometime just before 10 p.m. at the E.R., and I was wheeled to Labor & Delivery.  They hooked me up to the monitors and we waited for the doctor. When my doctor arrived, it appeared that the bleeding had slowed down and that I was not dilated, or contracting, so we decided to wait it out, possibly until morning. While we were still trying to process what could be happening, we flipped the T.V. back on and prepared to wait things out. Within minutes, the bleeding picked up again.  Every time I touched or rubbed my belly, as Micah kicked, the blood would gush out. They called the doctor back immediately. The doctor began by pushing on my belly causing even more blood to come out. He said something about the placenta separating and possible placenta previa. He called for the ultrasound machine. After the ultrasound, it was discovered that Micah was in breech position but because of the limited amount of amniotic fluid nothing else could be determined.  He gave us several options to consider with the only safe one being to do an immediate c-section.  Within minutes they were adding a second IV that could give me blood if that became necessary and taking all kinds of blood to check my current levels and blood type. I was slightly panicking but wanted to do whatever would be the safest and best choice for ALL of my boys!  By the time I got to the O.R. I was shaking and nervous.  I was worried about the c-section in general.  Would I feel it?  Would it stop the bleeding?  Would Micah survive so we could spend time with him?  Why was all of this happening?  Shortly after the spinal I felt warm and calm. I kept repeating to myself, "Do not be anxious about anything", and praying that God would be with us and give us the strength and the peace that we would need. I remember asking the nurses how I would know when he was out and kept waiting for the pressure on my chest that would signify his arrival. I never felt it or heard him cry but at some point the nurse arrived at our side holding our sweet boy, letting us know that he did have a faint heartbeat.  We spent time taking in everything about him. I rested my hand on his little body since I couldn't hold him, and felt his arms move around. It felt just like it had in my tummy. He was so precious.  Our sweet boy was fearfully and wonderfully made. He came just as God wanted him to and at just the right time. Our baby boy, Micah Jeremiah, was born on July 23rd, at 12:26 AM, weighing 1 pound 13 ounces and measuring 11 1/2 inches long.