**written on 9/23/12**
It has been two months since Micah was born. In some ways it seems like yesterday that I was pregnant and wondering when it would all happen and how it would happen. I would have never predicted that it would all turn out the way it did. I don't think that any doctor would have guessed that it would end like that either. Looking back, I am thankful for so much about his delivery. It happened at nighttime enabling my parents to quickly come over. The boys never knew I was gone until after it was all over. Just the right doctor was working that night. It didn't go as I had hoped. I would've loved more time with our sweet baby boy. I really hoped we would have lots of pictures to cherish for years to come but that didn't happen either. We didn't get handprints at the hospital either! (We're thankful that our friend Daniel was able to get his handprints at the funeral home!) So much of it didn't turn out the way that I had planned. We were told over and over that we needed to create a birth plan. We never got a chance to have that completed and turned in but we knew all along that God had his birth plan all figured out from the day he was conceived. I am learning a lot about giving up control. My life has truly felt out of control for the last few months. There wasn't one thing that I was in control of. By the end of the pregnancy, I had learned to just "be". I knew all that I could know about Micah's situation. We had run the possible tests. I had talked to person after person and doctor after doctor trying to figure out what to expect. Then when there was nothing more I could do I was forced to just take it day by day. I worked hard at learning to "dance in the rain". I focused on all that I had to be thankful for. I can easily say that within one of the worst times of our lives we had some of our best days!
